Not For The Better
by HopeIsHere16
Summary: Post-Valentine's Day episode. While Jesse is in New York, he happens upon Rachel again. He sees first-hand how much she has changed, and he is left to wonder what could have happened to the once great ingenue to cause her to spiral so out of control. Brief comparison on how much Rachel has changed during Season 4. One-shot.


**Not For The Better**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, or any songs or musicals you might recognize :)**

**Author's Note (warning: contains spoilers for new Glee episode): So...I just watched the Valentine's Day episode of Glee. Have to say...did not see _any _of that coming. I half expected Jesse to walk in. It was absolutely insane, and Rachel is beginning to really make me mad. She goes from Finn to Brody within a few hours, and it's getting ridiculous. Her and Brody's relationship is _so _messed up. If she really is (*SPOILER ALERT*) pregnant (*END SPOILER ALERT*) then it serves her right. I don't know, but watching that really made me in the mood to write for Glee again, so here it is! I hope you all enjoy, and don't forget to review :)**

**Warnings: This is rated T due to some language (no F bombs or anything, just a few curses here and there), some adult situations, and the idea of teenage pregnancy. If you can watch a PG-13 movie, you should be just fine :)**

* * *

_Everything has changed._

Rachel walked briskly down the congested sidewalks of New York City. The Big Apple hardly held any sort of wonder for her anymore; she had lived there for so long that the sights and the theaters and the diversity were no longer interesting. Rachel ignored the men selling things to naïve tourists, and she completely blew off the many store windows filled with souvenirs. Rachel was headed to a much different destination, one that would only come in handy to someone who actually lived in the city.

The drug store was in her sights now, and she pushed past people impatiently. Her hands were shaking with fear in her pockets, and her breath was incredibly uneven. Part of her didn't want to know; part of her wanted to live in a fantasy where she _hadn't_ possibly messed up her entire life.

But part of her _had _to know - the same part that had always been meticulous to the last detail about _everything_. The part of her that had once reigned dominant, especially in high school. The part of her she had lost upon moving from Ohio.

A bell sounded when Rachel opened the door. It was less crowded in the small store, many tourists and sight-seers not needing access to Rite-Aid. The man behind the counter greeted Rachel cheerfully, giving her a small smile. She tried to smile politely in return, but she was sure it came out as more of a grimace. She was too jittery to be polite.

The blood rising to her cheeks, Rachel paused for only a split second before scanning the aisles for the product she was after. She had absolutely no experience with this type of thing, and was only going off of what she had seen in Lifetime movies and bad soap operas.

"Rachel! Berry, is that you?"

Rachel's head quickly whipped around to where the voice had suddenly come from, and she wasn't sure what exactly she was feeling when Jesse St. James stepped into view.

"Rachel, it's me! Of all the places to run into you, huh?" Jesse wore a boyish grin, and ran a hand through his hair while he stared at Rachel. He was dressed in his signature black, and his hair was finally starting to curl again. He looked happier than Rachel had ever seen him, and she tried to be genuine when she half-smiled back at him.

"What a coincidence." she said softly, smoothing the short skirt she wore. Jesse's eyes flickered to her outfit of choice for a moment before reaching her face again. There was confusion twinkling in his eyes, but he wasn't rude when he chose to comment.

"You look...great. Different, but not bad. New York give you the royal treatment?" Jesse laughed, almost urging Rachel to do the same. She remained silent.

"Yeah, well, they say that you haven't truly settled into New York until you've been given your first makeover." she replied matter-of-factly, no longer trying to keep up a cheerful façade. It wasn't worth it.

Jesse finally seemed to realize her downtrodden spirits, and he instantly became concerned. "Hey, you okay?" he approached Rachel with a hand outstretched, as if he were going to somehow comfort her, but she instantly backed away. Jesse seemed hurt.

"I'm fine." said Rachel coldly, her head spinning. After everything that had happened in the past two weeks, she had to deal with _this _too? She had never really gotten over Jesse, and now she had to deal with Brody, and Finn, _and _Jesse, and...possibly...maybe...someone else.

"You don't seem fine." stated Jesse. It wasn't a question.

"What are you doing here, Jesse?" asked Rachel exasperatedly, in a desperate attempt to change the topic. She knew Jesse wouldn't leave her alone now that he'd seen her, but if she was going to talk to him, then she _wasn't_ going to talk to about herself.

"What, in New York?" asked Jesse casually. Rachel nodded. "Just here for the week. Little field trip before I get carted back to Ohio to see what I can do for the wonderful world of show choir. I actually just want to see a few shows - it's still my dream to end up here, you know? I figured this would...lift my spirits.

"How's NYADA going?" here, Jesse gave Rachel a devilish grin. "Have you knocked them dead yet?"

"I won the NYADA Winter Showcase." said Rachel simply, not even attempting to be modest. Jesse didn't seem to mind.

"No way?" he asked in extreme surprise. "Your freshman year? You're kidding?"

"Why would I kid?" snapped Rachel. "I'm dead serious."

The grin lit Jesse's face again, and he ran to Rachel and hugged her without a warning. She was stiff in his arms. "That's amazing! Congratulations!"

"Thank you." said Rachel coldly, forcing herself out of the uncomfortable embrace. She was too confused to be giving _any_ male _any _kind of attention.

"Hey, are you busy today?" asked Jesse suddenly, an idea seemingly coming to his mind. "I was going to catch _Phantom _at 2:30, and it just so happens I have an extra ticket. We could catch up?"

"No thank you." Rachel said, her face set. "I'd rather not."

"What?" asked Jesse in utter disbelief, sure that Rachel was kidding him. "But it's _Phantom_, Rach - you _love Phantom_!"

"I've already seen it." excused Rachel dismissively. In truth, she had no desire to go see _anything _on Broadway anymore - between Brody and NYADA and her home life, Rachel had no time for anything. And besides, Brody was always taking her out somewhere, and he never wanted to see Broadway shows, either.

"So what?" asked Jesse in a joking tone. "I've seen it too, but it's _live _theater - it's a little different every time. And I _know _you can't resist _Phantom of the Opera_. Please, Rachel? I've...missed you. I just want to talk."

"We wouldn't be able to talk during the performance, anyway." said Rachel. "It's a _show_ for a reason."

Jesse was taken aback. Rachel had _never _talked to him like that before. He had accepted the hair/makeup/outfit changes, he was even willing to look past a few new personality traits, but...Rachel seemed like a completely different person. She was rude and selfish and even _more _diva-like than she had once been...and _not _in a good way.

"Rachel, what's happened to you?" Jesse hadn't even realized he'd spoken the words aloud, but he didn't regret saying them.

"I don't know what you mean." said Rachel haughtily, not even meeting Jesse's eyes anymore. It was _that _that made the older boy snap.

"Yes you _do! _You can kid everyone else, but you can't fool me, Rachel! I know you better than _anyone_! You're not even _you _anymore! You're mean and snobby and stuck-up and I don't even _know _this weird new you!" Jesse hadn't realized how loudly he'd been speaking until the man behind the cash register glared at him. Jesse pointedly ignored him.

"There is _nothing_ wrong with me." said Rachel lowly and cruelly. The look in her eyes sent Jesse backing up a few paces in defeat.

"I never thought..." he murmured, shaking his head sadly. His eyes got glassy.

"Never thought _what_?" hissed Rachel, narrowing her brown eyes. "That I would grow _up_? That I would find someone _else_? That I wouldn't always be that scared little vegan girl with an _egg _dripping down her face?"

"Rachel, that was years ago! Let it go! I was young and stupid, and I've apologized for that. And _no_, there is a _difference_ between growing up and changing the entirety of who you are! I thought you'd be able to make it here, Rach! I thought you'd thrive in New York, I thought you'd be _happy_! But it seems that you're even more bitter than I am!"

Jesse was completely out of breath by the time his rant was over, and Rachel looked too livid to even speak with him. Without even purchasing what Jesse came in for he stormed out, making his way to the Majestic Theater an hour before he had to be there.

* * *

That was not the last of Rachel that Jesse saw. Six months later, he and a friend were in the Big Apple once again, this time looking for an apartment. Jesse had made a stop at the grocery store around seven in the evening, when he'd spotted a familiar head of brown hair standing right in front of him.

She was walking really slowly for Rachel, making her way to an aisle that seemed to still be a long way away. At first, Jesse had planned to completely ignore her - he didn't even want to _see_ her after that fight several months before. But his wish to see her face...his need to hear her voice...the love that he still unintentionally felt for her made him decide otherwise. Before he knew it, Jesse was tapping Rachel on the shoulder, a polite smile plastered on his face.

That smile immediately fell when Rachel turned around. She looked horrible - there were dark circles beneath her dull eyes, and even beneath the too-large NYU sweatshirt, Jesse could see her swollen abdomen. Jesse had to physically force himself not to gasp audibly.

"What, not going to stare?" hissed Rachel, her tired eyes narrowing. She looked crazed.

"Rachel, _what _happened to you?" asked Jesse in horror, the thought of his sweet Rachel coming to _this _because of New York hurting his heart. When Jesse had told Carmen about Rachel, he had assumed that he was doing the young starlet the biggest favor of her life. He never thought he would be destroying her.

Rachel let out a laugh, a cold, dismal, and sarcastic sound that sounded foreign to Jesse. Rachel had never been so bitter. "What _happened_ to me? That's a joke, right?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" asked Jesse, his voice unintentionally cracking. Rachel turned to face Jesse full-front, leaning her back onto the handle of her cart. Annoyed people around the two complained loudly about their blocking the aisles.

"You want to know what happened, Jesse?" asked Rachel in a low, angry voice. "I made a _mistake_. And now I'm paying for it. I dropped out of NYADA, I -"

"You _what_?" shrieked Jesse in terror, attracting the attention of more than a few people. "You _dropped out_? What the hell, Rachel?"

"You really think I'll make it _anywhere_, now?" asked Rachel, rubbing a hand over her large pregnant belly. "I'm keeping the baby. Being a single mom is going to be hard enough, there's no way I'll ever be on Broadway or whatever now. But I'm fine. Kurt and Santana and I are going to take care of the baby, and Quinn, when she comes over. It'll be fine."

"'Broadway or whatever.'?" quoted Jesse venomously. "Rachel, that was your _dream_! Your life's _goal_! And now you're just throwing it all away?"

"I'm not throwing it away. It was a childish ambition in the first place." said Rachel haughtily, sounding for a moment almost like the young ingenue in high school who thought she knew everything. The reminder of who Rachel once was and would never be again was a dagger in Jesse's soul.

"Why didn't you come home? Why didn't you come back to Ohio? Your friends could have helped you, Rachel!" tried Jesse. Rachel laughed again, that same unhappy tone.

"I don't want Finn anywhere near this baby. He doesn't know it's his, and that's how I'd like it to stay."

She brushed past Jesse then, wheeling her cart away with renewed speed. Jesse stood there aghast, watching an echo of the woman he once loved walk away from everything she could have been.

* * *

_Jesse St. James walked cockily through the music store, smirking slightly as people stopped to stare at him. He was used to the attention - everyone knew who he was._

_And then he saw her - that little sophomore from McKinley High. She was staring hungrily into a Lionel Ritchie book, her naïve little eyes reading the music of one of Jesse's favorite singers. Deciding to make the little girl's day just by commenting on her choice, Jesse approached her. She didn't even notice him until he spoke._

_"Lionel Ritchie. One of my favorites." _

_The girl's head snapped up, and her large doe eyes bore into his. She looked so innocent. Little Rachel Berry._

_"You're Jesse St. James." she stated in shock, a reverence in her voice. Jesse chuckled a bit under his breath. "You're in Vocal Adrenaline." _

Duh. _thought Jesse. But he chose not to comment. Rather, he decided to play along. "And you're Rachel Berry." _Now, let's see how you handle criticism, little girl. _"I saw you perform at Sectionals. Your rendition of 'Don't Rain On My Parade' was flawed. You totally lacked Barbara's emotional depth." _

_Rachel seemed to soak in all Jesse's critiques and take them to heart. She didn't shy away from his advice. And there was something about her that made Jesse want to smooth over his criticisms. He didn't want her to be upset. So he added, "But you're talented." _

* * *

Everything has changed.


End file.
